How Selfishness Play its Role in Relationship Failure?



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There was a friend of mine who had a problem with his father. He often used to come to me and say that he is fed up of his father and his wife. I asked him what's the problem? But then suddenly he would go silent as he didn't have the courage to say it me, as he might be thinking how I would react to this. Maybe he was thinking I would rather laugh at him. But I knew there was something cooking inside him and he would soon be giving up his relationships with his wife. I could predict this from his face and behavior. Since he was a good friend of mine I wanted to help him. So one day I politely talked to him and asked him what was hurting him so badly? Then he revealed.

I came to know that his wife was too much attached to her father-in-law and she used to care more about him rather than my friend. I told my friend that you should feel happy if she cares a lot about your father. But my friend was of different nature and I think he was more dignified than anyone else nearby my home. I would say his doubt was right because every relationship has some limitations. You should not go to extremes in any kind of relationship whether it's brother-sister, teacher-student, daughter-father-in-law etc.

After listening to my friend's whole story I realized that his wife had a lot of issues. My friend was hard working and infect he made a lot of money in his business and bought his own home and gave all comforts to his family. But his father and mother used to live with him and he also had two children. I thought his major problem was that he used to work hard in his business and hardly find any time. I also told my friend that you are not spending enough time with your wife and that is the reason she is not happy with you. But he told that it is not so. Finding time from his business was quite easy for him as the staff could handle in his absence. The major problem was that his wife was more inclined towards his father and not him and so he never felt like spending time with her.

When my friend would reach home he would mostly find her wife watching TV with his parents and my friend never had the habit of watching anything over television with parents. He always wanted a separate TV in his own bedroom but his wife never agreed to that. My friend said her wife would go everywhere like the hospital, bank, market (for shopping), marriages etc with his father. He would also find his father most of the time standing in the kitchen and talking to her wife while she used to cook. She would do all Poojas at home with her father-in-law. My friend also told me that his father would also fulfill all her wife's desires instantly as all the money was in his control. I told my friend that if you don't care about your wife she would definitely run behind others.

In reply to that my friend told me that he is not the slave of his wife. If I fulfill four of her desires out of five and if I don't fulfill her one desire she would go to her father-in-law for that but she will not even sacrifice a single of her desire for me. This is called selfishness at its best. Here you can declare both my friend's wife and father as extremely selfish and materialism is playing on both of them. How could a father be such that he doesn't hesitate to spend most of his time with his son's wife and he made his own son left alone in life? How could you sit and cut jokes with your daughter-in-law when your son is not happy with her behavior? Does not God gave you your own wife to cut jokes? Do you care about them or are you trying to separate both of them?

I asked my friend why you didn't argue with your parents who all the time stick to their daughter-in-law. He said that he did argue but his parents said that you don't do anything for your wife and so they need to do everything for her so that she doesn't run away to her father's home living all of us alone. So something like emotional blackmail playing here. He also said that he even argued with his wife but she said that her father-in-law does everything for her and you do not do anything for her though my friend was the one who was earning for the whole family. According to Sahaja Yoga this would be a Ganesha problem (mooladhara chakra or left Vishuddhi chakra is not alright) for father and his daughter-in-law and son is truthful here as he is not materialistic and doesn't want to be a slave of someone's wishes and ego. God has given this life to fulfill requirements and not desires. A wife needs to understand her dharma better here. Whether your husband fulfills your desires or not you should not run behind someone else and that is what the dignity of a woman is and when you frustrate your husband so much how would he feel like doing something for you?

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Why I don't see this in my wife?
How to make my Wife Happy?
Why Relationships Fail?

Written by: Rajesh Bihani ( Find me on Google+ )

Disclaimer: The suggestions in the article(wherever applicable) are for informational purposes only. They are not intended as medical or any other type of advice